I’m conflicted.

After a 24-day RV roadtrip out west, so many sights, so many miles and so many national parks & monuments, I have so many thoughts swirling around in my tiny brain.  I don’t even think I can make sense of it all.  It’s overwhelming to say the least.  But I’ll try.  Here we go…

Simply put, this country of ours is incredible.  Everybody should experience it at some point in their lives.  And I’m not talking about flying to different places and seeing things.  I’m talking about driving it and REALLY seeing things.  See the transitions that happen as you drive from East to West (or whichever direction you’re heading).  You just can’t see those transitions from 30,000 feet.  It’s fascinating to see the transitions.  In our case it was from Virginia to Montana.  Population changes.  Vegetation changes.  Geography changes.  Climate changes.  I know I’m leaving things out, but you get the idea.

I learned it in Boy Scouts and adhere to it still.  “Leave it better than you found it.”  “Leave no trace.”  I do my part, but sometimes it’s difficult and here’s where it gets conflicting for me.  I had the opportunity to sit, just sit, and experience a national park without many distractions at all.  It was simultaneously exhilarating and eerie.  The vastness was overwhelming and the sheer quietness was haunting.  I sat for 4 minutes.  It felt like an eternity.  We’re all are so wrapped up in our everyday business, to-do lists, errands, traffic, job responsibilities, family life, etc., etc.  Sometimes we need to refocus.  Re-center.  It’s tough to find the time to just sit and do nothing, think of nothing.  It’s even harder to find as remote a place as I did to just sit.

But I found the time.  I found the place.

I was overcome by emotion.  I immediately thought of my grandmother. This place spoke to me.  Maybe she was with me.  It was like nothing I’d ever experienced before.  I felt at peace.  Yeah, cheesy I know, but that’s the only way I can describe it.  The sight was incredible and the sound was incredible. 

The juxtaposition of death and life in the same image was just fascinating.  I was disappointed.  Not because I drove all this way and it looked like this – not even remotely the reason.  I was disappointed because it looked like this at all.  Whether I was there or not is irrelevant – I just happened to actually see it.

Forest fires happen all the time, we know this.  And all sorts of factors contribute to them.  But there’s one factor that we have total control over.  Yep, the human element.  It saddens me to think that the vast majority of wildfires in the United States are caused by humans.  I’m disappointed in us. And yes, I include myself in that “us.”  I’m conflicted because I know I can do better.  I’m overwhelmed because I realize my part is only the tiniest fraction of a contribution.  I’m more committed now than I ever was.  I saw it – firsthand.

We all contribute, but we all have the capacity to help.  It can just sometimes be discouraging when you open your eyes in the moment and see what you see.